Moving on... for real.

Over a year ago this month, my life changed forever.

Looking back I was so amazed how did I survived that crazy year. I was in an incubator of heartbreak and heartache...a resilient, spirited, feisty female who rose from the ashes of the destruction of everything she’d known and got busy on the construction of a journey into the unknown. 

It was a hard process of letting go... unimaginably hard.

I cried myself to sleep almost every night for six months.

Vodka as my breakfast smoothie.

Visited my psychiatrist every other week.

Used my Facebook as therapy.

cook and bake endlessly.

get lost in Japan.

listen to sad music.

wear black all the time.

worked like a dog.

reformatted my career.

live unhealthily.

never attended a single wedding of my friends and relatives.

been really that bitter with life....

One day... I received a letter from our former office intern, she was expressing how thankful she was to me for being her mentor... that smacked me back to reality, that I was wasting the life I have worked so hard for... A man is not a good reason to ruin it...I may not be that perfect person but that letter assured me that if one man didn't see my worth, well maybe a dozen more appreciated me for who I am. :)

This is how to move on for real...You take a deep breath, you say the words that you never imagined yourself saying, and you walk away.... Battle-scarred and scared and unsure about the future as you may be…when you KNOW in your heart that this is not the person God and the Universe intended for you to be with…there is no other option but to walk away.... You cannot allow yourself to settle for a party of two that you know is wrong just because the place settings and his name on the invitation next to yours look nice.... Leaving the comfortable shell of a long-term relationship is one of the scariest things a person can do…but think about it…what would happen to the butterfly if she refused to exit her cocoon? She would never grow…never change…never acquire her wings.....I want to encourage those of you currently going through a heartbreak, or a break-up, or a transition from two birds of a feather to flying solo: There IS happiness on the other side of goodbye. That’s what the sad movies and songs forget to tell you. After the pain comes the rain…and after the rain…comes the sun! And before you know it, everything’s coming up daisies again. One year ago today I was alone, and uncertain, and lonely, and sad. I remember wandering the rooms of my house feeling like the silence was almost palpable. There were even moments that I doubted I made the right decision. But before I knew it, something miraculous happened. I SMILED AGAIN! And then I laughed again! And then I reconnected with my friends and made new ones and started chasing my dreams and doing ME and having fun and setting new goals and realizing something so incredible about myself that had somehow gotten lost in the shuffle of the sorrow, and the hurt, and the tears. I AM STRONG. I am worthy. And “I am looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here.” (Sex & the City)

And then it hit me. I had to say goodbye to HIM, so I could say hello to ME.

So, my friends, and especially my friends who are currently nursing a broken heart…you must remember this, if nothing else: You will find your smile again. You will get your groove back. You will love again. And you will be able to take where you’ve been and use it as a road map for where you’re going...and for where you’ll never go again. I did. And though I know in my heart I will never revisit him, or that version of me, again…I also know I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Because he helped create me. Every tear, every piece of my broken heart, every second of pain…are all colors on the canvas of my life. That relationship didn’t DEFINE me. It helped REFINE me. The ashes of the girl I used to be turned me into the diamond of the woman I am today.

I know its not easy....take tiny little steps to the end.

love xoxo, ching